The first step I took in my pursuit of the Holy Spirit was to completely surrender myself to him. I accepted Christ and was baptized in 2007 but still hung onto most areas of my life. I was reluctant to let Jesus into my life, especially the areas that I felt like I had under control. It wasn't until last fall that I realized that I was living my own will instead of God's. I wasn't going off the deep end, so to say, but I definitely wasn't consulting God on how I should be living and what I should be doing. So I surrendered. I let Jesus into the areas of life where I had been shutting him out and began to pray and seek God's will in all that I do.
It's not always easy to do. One time that I didn't seek God's will before I jumped into action was last summer. I wanted to go on a mission trip but knew I had to take summer school. So being the obedient slave to school I sometimes am, I took summer school. All summer long! I watched my friends and family be sent around the world to share the love of Christ while I sat in a classroom for 6 hours a day. Don't get me wrong, a classroom can also be a mission field, but I felt the most regret I have ever felt in my life. I felt God tugging on my heart and telling me that there's more to life than doing well in school and making sure I graduate in 4 years. After talking with my dad about it, he encouraged me to take my next summer off from school and engineering and do whatever I wanted, so that's exactly what I am doing.
I wanted to do whatever God wanted me to do this summer. For once in my life, I wanted to know that I was doing something because it was God's will and not my own. When the position list for summer missionaries was posted in October, I had a list made of all the trip descriptions without prices, places, or durations. I knew these would be things that would distract me from God's will. I went through the list and picked a top ten and then narrowed it down to a top 3 at which point I looked up the places, durations, and prices. My first choice was all summer to South Asia and my second choice was all summer in Round Rock. I immediately thought "Oh no God! You must have misunderstood me. I wanted to go to South America or Africa or Europe. Certainly not South Asia. That's too far away and too different. And certainly not Round Rock because that would be like spending the summer at home." I began to look over the position list and see if I overlooked where God really wanted me to spend the summer. No luck. There wasn't a single trip I was really interested in that was where I initially wanted to go to this summer.
South Asia. That means I can't even read their language and pretend like I can understand. Their culture is so different than ours. Most of those places smell really bad. I will stick out like a sore thumb. All of these are thoughts I had in the pursuing weeks and months. I had asked several people to pray about this trip. I really wanted to do the project, but I just didn't want to do it in South Asia. It's amazing to see how God answers prayers. In the days that followed, God gave me peace about South Asia and made me excited to get to experience a new culture and way of life. God is so faithful!
So here's the part where I almost lost track of the wild goose. As part of the process, all potential missionaries had to go to this event called Discovery Weekend. The best way to describe it is that its a disciple now for college students. We were split into groups and stayed at host homes. Throughout the weekend we explored the gifts God had given us and what ways we could use those gifts this summer. All was fine and dandy. I felt like God had equipped me for this trip. Right before I had my interview, I read a packet that had more detailed information on my trip. "This is very hot city (110 to 115 F and above) and AC will not be available." this was the first thing that caught my eye. "Places to stay will be pretty dirty and may not have hot water although a hot water bucket can sometimes be provided. There will probably be no AC. Power typically is only on 2 hours a day." Boom. Everywhere. All over that packet. More and more reasons not to go. I suddenly found myself overwhelmed and doubting everything I had done up to this point.
This is where I need to take a break and give you some insight on what I thought I would be doing on this trip. I knew that this was a water project in South Asia and that I would be helping people get access to clean water. I thought that I would be staying in a hotel and commuting to the villages. I expected AC and a bed and certainly not 110 degree heat. I thought there was no hotter place than Texas in summer, but apparently there is! I knew that God was going to stretch me this summer. I mean South Asia is a big stretch in itself. Certainly God wasn't planning on stretching me even more! But that's exactly what he is planning on doing. In that moment, God showed me that comfort was an idol in my life. How could I turn away from what I knew God was calling me to do because it sounds uncomfortable? Living life on this earth isn't supposed to be comfortable. God also reminded me that safety is not a right, it is a blessing. I knew that I had to go to South Asia, even if that meant possible putting myself in danger.
So the way the rest of Discovery Weekend worked was that we were able to preference trips that we wanted to go on but our small group leaders would ultimately be the ones who determined where we would go. On my preference card I put only one preference: South Asia. I knew that if it wasn't where God intended me to be this summer than I would be appointed to place where he wanted me to serve. 5 days after Discovery Weekend ended, I got my appointment email. After a long week of 4 tests, I was overwhelmed when I saw where I would be serving this summer. I didn't know what else to do but cry. It said South Asia. In that moment, I was overjoyed but scared. I still am overjoyed but scared.
While it is still not clear to me every aspect of what I will be doing this summer, I know that I will be doing God's will in South Asia. The wild goose chase is taking me halfway around the world to a country and culture vastly different than my own. This goose chase is mysterious, unpredictable, and potentially a bit dangerous (sorry dad), but worth everything I am. I am excited to see how God will use me this summer and how he will move in the hearts of the villagers.
As I continue to chase the wild goose in South Asia, I ask that you:
- pray for spiritual and physical preparation
- pray against distractions and fears
- pray that I find my joy in Christ alone through this entire journey
