like a pheonix

It's been over a year since I was in India and I have longed to be back ever since I left. What's just as crazy is that I haven't posted anything since then. For that I am sorry! God has been doing some amazing and unimaginable things in my life since I have come home from India. It's hard to know where to start but I am going to begin with the biggest lesson I have learned over the past year. Forgiveness.

I always thought I was a forgiving person. I was quick to say I forgive you after someone apologized to me. But had I really ever forgiven someone who hurt me? There is a huge difference between forgiving someone when whatever they did to you did not really effect you and forgiving someone whose actions have affected you greatly.

As you can imagine it is significantly harder to forgive someone who has truly hurt you. But it's not impossible. I am not going to go into details of the hurt that caused me to learn to forgive but I will give you as much detail without giving you the details. 

I had been home from India almost a month when I was approached with some unexpected news that completely shocked me. I was hurt by the situation and was faced with what to do next. I truly believe that if this news had surfaced before I went to India, my reaction to the news would have been significantly different than what it was. God's timing is perfect! I ran straight for Jesus. He is my rock and my one true constant when my world around me seems to be crumbling. I begged God to give me guidance on what to do. I was led to Colossians 3:13. It says, "Forgive as the Lord has forgiven you." 

I realized that I was so wrapped up in what I had done to deserve such hurt that I had forgotten that I have hurt God more than this person has ever hurt me. I have turned my back on God and have sinned against him everyday but still he forgives me and loves me like I have never hurt him before. One of the most beautiful things about God is his unconditional love. His love is not dependent on how we act or what we say. His love is constant and perfect. I knew at this point that I was called to forgive as Jesus has forgiven me, wholly and perfectly.

Unfortunately, the road to forgiveness wasn't as easy as just realizing how I am called for forgive. I tried to forgive this person like Jesus has forgiven me but I still held on to the hurt and hung it over their head. It wasn't until almost four months later after a sermon series at the Austin Stone on forgiveness (listen here! http://austinstone.org/sermons/item/giveness and here http://austinstone.org/sermons/item/how-to-forgive ) that I realized that my forgiveness has limitations. I would never be able to forgive this person like Jesus has forgiven me. It wasn't until I completely surrendered the hurt to Jesus and asked him to make my forgiveness whole and complete that I was able to truly forgive.

Looking back on the situation almost a year later, I see how God has made something beautiful out of the hurt. Like a phoenix being born of the ashes, God has transformed both of us through the hard times to be more like Jesus. I no longer look back and feel hurt but instead see God's grace and faithfulness through it all. It is only by the precious blood of Jesus Christ that I am able to forgive and I praise him for that!